"Woman to Woman Encouragement"
Someone will always
be prettier. They will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children
will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances. Think about
it. The prettiest woman in the world can
have turmoil in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to
have children. And the richest woman you know, she's got the car, the house, the clothes;
might be lonely. And the world says if I have not love, I
am nothing. So, again, love you. Love who
you are. Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say "I am too blessed to be stressed and too
anointed to be disappointed!"! "Winners make things happen.
Losers let things happen."
Be blessed ladies and pass
this on to encourage another woman
No Speaka de Englis This is funny. Make sure
you read it twice.
>
>A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in
>an
>animated conversation. The lady sitting
behind them ignores them at
>first,
>but her attention is galvanized when she
hears one of the men say
>the
>following:
>
>"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses
come together. I come
>once-a-more. Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and
>pee
>twice. Then I come one lasta time".
>
>"You foul-mouthed, sex-obsessed SWINE,"
retorted the lady
>indignantly. "In
>this country, we don't speak aloud in public
places about our sex
>lives!!!"
>
>"Hey coola down lady," said the man. "Who
talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a
>justa
>tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
>
>I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!
Smart Ass
>
>
>
>
> A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited
to a Halloween
> party. He doesn't know what costume to
wear to hide his head
> and his leg so he writes to a costume
company to explain his
> problem.
>
> A few days later he received a parcel
with the following note:
>
> Dear Sir,
>
> Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit.
The spotted
> handkerchief will cover your bald head
and, with your wooden
> leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
>
> Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
>
> The man thinks this is terrible because
they have emphasized
> his wooden leg and so he writes a letter
of complaint. A week
> goes by and he receives another parcel
and a note, which says:
>
> Dear Sir,
> Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The
long robe will cover
> your wooden leg and, with your bald head,
you will really look
> the part.
>
> Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
>
> Now the man is really upset since they
have gone from
> emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing
his bald head so
> again he writes the company another nasty
letter of complaint.
> The next day he gets a small parcel and
a note, which reads:
>
> Dear Sir,
>
> Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses.
Pour the
> molasses over your bald head, stick your
wooden leg up your
> ass and go as a caramel apple.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
in one hand and a
>bucket of
>buffalo manure in the other. He says to
the waiter, "Me wanna
>coffee." The
>waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right
up."
>
> He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee,
and the Indian drinks
>it down
>in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure,
throws it into the air,
>blasts
>it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
>
> The next morning the Indian returns. He
has his shotgun in one
>hand and
>a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter
>and says
>to the waiter, "Me wanna coffee."
>
> The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still
cleaning up your
>mess from
>the last time you were here. What the heck
was all that about,
>anyway?"
>
> The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me
training for upper
>management
>position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot
shit, leave mess for others
>to clean
>up, disappear for rest of day."
>
Treat your friends as you do your pictures, and place
them in their best light.
- Jennie Jerome Churchill
MRS. THIBODEAUX
>
>One night, a torrential rain soaked South
Louisiana. The next
>morning the
>resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet
into most of the homes.
>Mrs.
>Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with
her neighbor, Mrs.
>Thibodeaux,
>waiting
>for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed
a baseball cap floating
>near the
>house, then she saw it float far out into
the front yard, then float
>back to
>the house.
>
>It kept floating away from the house then
back towards the house.
>Her
>curiosity got the best of her so she asked
Mrs. Boudreaux "Do you
>see dat
>dere baseball cap a floatin' away from
the house, den back again?"
>
>Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yah, dass my husban,
I tole dat jackass he
>gonna
>cut the grass today come hell or high water."
Subject: The Perfect Dress
>
> Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching.
Nothing could dampen
>her
> excitement...not even her parents' nasty
divorce. Her mother had
>found
> the PERFECT dress to wear and would be
the best dressed
> mother-of-the-bride ever!
>
> A week later, Jennifer was horrified to
learn that her father's
>new,
> young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to
> exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely
not. I look like a
>million
> bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,"
she replied.
>
> Jennifer told her mother who graciously
said, "Never mind,
>sweetheart.
> I'll get another dress. After all, it
is your special day."
>
> A few days later, they went shopping and
did find another
>gorgeous
> dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer
asked her mother,
>"Are you
>going to return the other dress? You really
don't have another
>occasion
>where you could wear it."
>
> Her mother just smiled and replied "Of
course I do, dear. I'm
>wearing it
>to the rehearsal dinner!"
