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And ANOTHER WEEK of E-Mails !!!!
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THIS ONE'S FOR THE GIRLFRIENDS
I have a new delightful friend,
I am most in awe of her.
When we first
met I was impressed,
By her bizarre behavior.
That day I had a date with friends,
We met to have some lunch.
Mae had come along with them,
All in all . . . a pleasant bunch.
When the menus were presented,
We ordered salads, sandwiches, and soups.
Except
for Mae who circumvented,
And said, Ice Cream, please: two scoops.
I was not sure
my ears heard right,
And the others were aghast.
Along with heated apple pie,
Mae added, completely unabashed.
We tried to act quite nonchalant,
As if people
did this all the time.
But when our orders were brought out,
I did not enjoy mine.
I could not take my eyes off Mae,
As her pie a-la-mode went down.
The other ladies showed
dismay,
They ate their lunches silently, and frowned.
Well, the next time I went
out to eat,
I called and invited Mae.
My lunch contained white tuna meat,
She
ordered a parfait.
I smiled when her dish I viewed,
And she asked if she amused
me.
I answered, Yes, you do,
But also you confuse me.
How come
you order rich desserts,
When I feel I must be sensible?
She laughed a nd said, with wanton
mirth,
I am tasting all that's possible.
I try to eat the food I need,
And do the things I should.
But life's so short, my friend, indeed,
I hate missing out
on something good.
This year I realized how old I was,
She grinned, I've not been
this old before.
So, before I die, I've got to try,
Those things for years I had ignored.
I've not smelled all the flowers yet,
There's too many books I have not read.
There's
more fudge sundaes to wolf down
And kites to be flown overhead.
There are many
malls I have not shopped,
I've not laughed at all the jokes.
I've missed a lot of Broadway
Hits,
And potato chips and cokes.
I want to wade ag ain in water,
And
feel ocean spray upon my face.
Sit in a country church once more,
And thank God for It's grace.
I want peanut butter every day,
Spread on my morning toast.
I want un-timed
long-distance calls,
To the folks I love the most.
I've not cried at all the movies
yet,
Nor walked in the morning rain.
I need to feel wind in my hair,
I want
to fall in love again.
So, if I choose to have dessert,
Instead of having dinner.
Then should I die before night fall,
I'd say I died a winner.
Because I missed
out on nothing,
I filled my heart's desire.
I had that final chocolate mousse,
Before my life expired.
With that, I called the waitress over,
I've changed
my mind, it seems.
I said, I want what she is having,
Only add some more whipped-cream!
Here is a little something for you all!
We need an annual Girlfriends Day!
If you get this twice, then you have more than one girlfriend. Be happy.
PLEASE PASS
THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.
"Be mindful that happiness is not based on possessions, power, or prestige, but
on relationships with people you love and respect."
Money talks. Chocolate sings.
TO A PHENOMENAL WOMAN
by Maya Angelou
When I was in my younger days,
I weighed a few pounds less,
I needn't hold
my tummy in
to wear a belted dress.
But now that I am older,
I've set my body free;
There's
comfort of elastic
Where once my waist would be.
Inventor of those high-heeled shoes
My feet have
not forgiven;
I have to wear a nine now,
But used to wear a seven.
And how about those pantyhose-
They're
sized by weight, you see,
So how come when I put them on
The crotch is at my knee?
I need to
wear these glasses
As the print's been getting smaller;
And it wasn't very long ago
I know that
I was taller.
Though my hair has turned to gray
and my skin no longer fits,
On the inside, I'm
the same old me,
It's the outside's changed a bit.
WHAT I'VE LEARNED
But, on a positive note...
I've
learned that no matter what happens,
or how bad it seems
today, life does go on,
and it will be
better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person
by the way he/she handles these three
things:
a rainy day, lost luggage, and
tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that regardless
of your relationship with
Your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone
from your life.
I've
learned that making a "living" is not the same
thing as making a "life."
I've learned that life sometimes
gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with
a catcher's mitt on both
hands.
You need to be able to throw something back.
I've learned that whenever I decide something with
an
open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that every day you should reach out
and
touch someone.
People love a warm hug,
or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I
still have a lot to learn.
I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you
did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
Please send this to five phenomenal women
this week.
If you do, something good will happen...
You will boost another woman's self esteem.
If
you don't ...
the elastic will break and
your panty hose will fall down
around your ankles.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tell me, I'll forget. Show me, I may
remember. But involve me,
and I'll understand.
- Chinese
Proverb
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
They who give have all things;
they who withhold have nothing.
- Hindu proverb
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Sharp Student...
An
English teacher at Penn State University
spent a lot of time marking grammatical
errors in
her students' written work.
She wasn't sure how much impact she was
having until one
overly busy day when she
sat at her desk
rubbing her temples.
A student asked, "What's the matter,
Ms. Thompson?"
"Tense,"
she replied, describing her
emotional state.
After
a slight pause the student tried
again, "What was
the matter? What has
been the matter? What
might
have been the matter?"
- - - - - - - - - -
Seen
in modern kitchens...
Clean enough to be healthy,
but dirty
enough to be happy
So this ain't "Home Sweet Home".
Adjust!
If
you don't like my standards of
cooking...
Lower your standards.
I clean house every other day.
Today
is the other day!
I would cook dinner but
I can't find the
can opener
My house was clean last week,
too bad you missed
it!
My house doesn't always
look like this.
Some days it's even worse.
Help keep the kitchen clean.
EAT
OUT!
If you must write in the dust,
just don't date it!
********************************
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True / False Quiz
Give
it a try. The correct answers are at the bottom. Don't cheat!
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient
at waking you up in the
morning.
Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
A pack-a-day
smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
People do not get sick from cold weather;
it's from being indoors a lot
When you sneeze, all bodily
functions stop .... even your heart!
Only 7% of the population are lefties.
40 people are sent
to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without knee caps.
They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
The average
person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in
lines.
The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
The average housefly l! ives for one month.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
A
coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
Your
feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
The REAL reason
ostriches stick their head in the
sand is to search for water.
The only 2 animals that can see
behind itself without turning it's
head are the rabbit and the parrot.
John Travolta turned down the
starring roles in "An Officer and a
Gentleman" and "Tootsie".
Michael Jackson owns the rights to the
South Carolina State anthem.
In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white
paint and
a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
Prince Charles and Prince Wil! liam NEVER travel on
the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
The
first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can
for a carburetor.
Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from
women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were seventh
cousins.
If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE......
REALIZE......
To realize
the value of ten years:
Ask
a newly divorced couple.
To realize
the value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To
realize
the value of one year:
Ask a student who has failed
a final exam.
To realize
the
value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth
to a stillborn.
To realize
the value
of one month:
Ask a mother who has given
birth to a premature baby.
To realize
the
value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly
newspaper.
To realize
the value of one hour:
Ask
the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize
the value of one minute:
Ask a person who has
missed the
train, bus or plane.
To realize
the value of one second:
Ask a person who
has survived
an accident.
To realize
the value of one millisecond:
Ask a person who
has won a silver medal
in the Olympics.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment
you
have.
You will treasure it even more
when you can share it
with someone special.
To
realize the
value of a friend:
Lose one.
The origin of this letter is unknown,
but it
brings good luck to everyone who
passes it on.
Do not keep this letter.
Just
forward it to friends to whom
you wish good luck
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
When humans face testings and tragedy,
they should remember the Angels who are
Always standing ready to lend their
celestial assistance, comfort, and counsel.
- Flower A. Newhouse,
"Rediscovering the Angels"
From "Angels Around Us." Compiled
by
Karen Maguire. Reprinted by arrangement
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Don't cry because it's over,
smile because it happened.
- Unknown
##########################
If the only prayer you ever say in your
entire life is thank you, it will be enough.
- Meister
Eckhart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An E-Mail To The Wrong Wife
After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last
winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day. They were
looking forward
to pleasant weather and a nice time together. Unfortunately, there was
some sort of mix up at the
boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told
the airline was not responsible for the problem and it would do
no good to complain. Upon arrival at the hotel the next
day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was
almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle's
was cold. The desk clerk gave
him a message that his wife would arrive as planned. He could hardly
wait to get
to the pool area to cool off, and quickly sent his wife an
e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail
address. His message therefore arrived at the home of an elderly wife> whose even older
husband had died
only the day before. When the grieving> widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished
scream, and fell to the floor unconcious. Her family rushed to her room where
they saw this message on the screen:
Dearest
wife, Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. Appeal was denied.
Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow. Your loving husband. P.S. Things are not as
we thought. You're going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.
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Subject: Letter form Santa
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I
will no longer serve
the States of Georgia,
Florida, Virginia, north
and South Carolina, Tennessee,
Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas
Eve. Due to the overwhelming
current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North
AmericanFairies
and Elves Local 209. As part of the new and better contract
I also get longer breaks
for milk and cookies so keep
that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will be in
good hands with your local replacement,
who happens
to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side
of the family is from the South Pole.
He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls;
however,
there are a few diffe rences between us.
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus.
He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:"These
toys
insured by Smith and Wesson."
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
children leave an RC cola
and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And Bubba doesn't
smoke
a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so
please have an empty spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of reindeer. I made the
mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
one
time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
4.
You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus arr ives.
Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, o! n Andretti, on Elliott
and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!" And you also are likely to hear Bubba's elves respond,
"I her'd dat!"
6.
As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle
on
the back with
the words "Back Off."
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a Wonderful Life"
will not be shown in your negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas"
and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol cars
crashing into each other.
And Finally,
8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make
sure you, the wife, and the kids turn the other
way
when he bends over to put presents under the tree.
Sincerely Yours,
Santa Claus
Enjoy this
clock.
Be sure to move your mouse around.
In Faith, I ask Our Lord, in the Sacred Name of Jesus Christ, for Guidance in all these concerns. Amen.
UPDATE CALENDAR REFERENCE INSTR......
Took 11 days to figure out what to do to link the calendar to the page #'s, so here's the "fix" (also proper way
to do this again with each new page added):
Open and make the day's page. Publish when thru. Check browser address line and obtain the correct
page id #. (November calendar HTML is working perfectly/ back-reference).
In between tags, enter the page id# and date.
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