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"How long have you been driving without a tail light?"
   asked the cop after pulling over a driver...
   
   The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car,
   and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset
   that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
   
   "Come on, now," the officer said, "you don't have to
   take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
   
   "Oh no!?" cried the motorist. "Then suppose you tell me
   what happened to my boat and trailer?"
   
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   Oldie revisted...
   
   So, a bunch of cows and bulls are standing in a field.
   A huge gust of wind comes along and all the cows fall
   over, but the bulls just stand there, bracing themselves
   against the gale. All the cows stand up and go back to
   their chewing.
   
   Pretty soon, a tornado blows through and all of the cows
   are knocked to the ground, but the bulls just munch on
   the grass.
   
   Next, a typhoon comes through and all the cows are knocked
   into the next pasture. The bulls just say "MOOoo..."
   
   Finally, one of the cows walks up to one of the bulls and
   says, "Moo? What's with the mooing deal? How come the wind
   always knocks us right over and you just stand there?"
   
   "Isn't it obvious?" the bull replies. "We bulls wobble, but
    we won't fall down."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Experience: That sinking feeling that you have made
    this mistake before.
   
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   Wisdom of the ages...
   
   Women over 50 don't have babies because they would
    put them down and forget where they left them.
   
   Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone
    in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
   
   Sometimes I think I understand everything,
    then I regain consciousness.
   
   One of life's mysteries: How can a 2 pound box of candy
    make a woman gain 5 pounds?
   
   The best way to forget all your troubles
    is to wear tight shoes.
   
   The nice part about living in a small town is that
    when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
   
   My mind not only wanders, it sometimes
    leaves completely.
   
   The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight
    because by then, your body and your fat are really
    good friends.
   
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   One day a mother was explaining to her young son
   that you should never tell a lie...
   
   She told him that God saw everything and heard everything.
   
   She explained, "Even though your father and I may not
    know if you are telling a lie God will know."
   
   The young son replied, "But will He tell?"

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 A drunk stumbles out of a bar and he makes his way into
   the cemetery behind the tavern. He walks right to the
   edge of a freshly dug grave, loses his balance and falls
   in...
   
   There's a puddle of water in the hole, and he spends the
   rest of the night yelling, "Help me, I'm cold! Someone
   help me, I'm cold!"
   
   At closing time, another drunk walks behind the bar and
   hears the racket...
   
   He gets to the open grave, looks down and says, "Of course
   you're cold, you bozo, you kicked all the dirt off yourself!"
   
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   An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished,
   came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "Jack and the
   Dragon." He knocked.
   
   The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye
   spare some victuals?" he asked.
   
   The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
   
   "Well then, might I have a pint of ale?"
   
   "No!" she shouted.
   
   "'Tis frightful cold out...
    Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
   
   "No!" she shouted again.
   
   The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
   
   "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
   
   "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with Jack?"
   
   -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=- -=*=-    
   Posted at the Club House of the Golf Course:
   
    1. Quiet please... while others are preparing to go.
    2. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
    3. Keep your head down.
    4. Form a loose grip.
    5. Avoid a quick back swing.
    6. Stay out of the water.
    7. Try not to hit anyone.
    8. If you are taking too long, let others go ahead of you.
    9. Don't stand directly in front of others.
   10. Don't take extra strokes.
   
   Well done. Now flush the urinal, move outside, and tee off!

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