OK...So It's Not All Spiritual II

I asked the children in my Sunday School class,
   "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage
   sale and gave all my money to the church, would
   I get into Heaven?"

   "NO"! the children all answered.

   "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard,
   and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get
   into Heaven"?

   Again, the answer was "NO"!

   "Well," I continued, "then how can I get to Heaven?"

   In the back of the room, a 5 yr. old boy shouted out,
    "You gotta be dead"!

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   Speaking Confidentially...

   A blonde studying to be a psychologist always went
   into her counseling sessions with an ear muff
   over one ear.

   After a while the supervisor became very curious
   and asked her about it.

   She replied, "It's for confidentiality."

   "Confidentiality? What ever do you mean?" asked
    the supervisor.

   "Well, you see," the blonde explained, "I've
   been told what goes in one ear comes out the
   other, and I don't want anyone else knowing what
   my client says."

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   A park ranger in the Everglades was making his
   rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman
   came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his
   truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her
   calm enough to say that her five year old son was
   sitting on the back of an alligator...

   Now the ranger was frantic. Taking off in the
   direction she was pointing he found the little lad
   riding a twelve foot male alligator which was trying
   to free itself of its load by twisting and snapping.

   As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console
   the mother by saying, "OK! I think I can grab the your
   son and move away before the 'gator moves, but be
   ready to grab the boy. I may have to shoot the 'gator."

   To which the lady replies "Heavens, no! I just
   wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I
   could take my son's picture on his back."

In Faith, I ask Our Lord, in the Sacred Name of Jesus Christ, for Guidance in all these concerns. Amen.