25 Things to Think About
:
1. If you're too open-minded,
your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very
often.
3. Going to
church doesn't make a person a Christian any more than
standing in a garage makes them a car.
4. Artificial
intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've
never
tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the
notion that life is
serious.
8. It is easier
to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
program.
10. If
you look like your passport picture, you probably need
the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed
of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts
feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die
anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change
places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw
away
three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is
a wonderful thing. It enables you to
recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet,
they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a
nice contrast to
the real world.
25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
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First-year
students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy
class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the
surgery table
with the body covered
with a white sheet.The professor started the
class by
telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important
qualities
as
a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything
involving the
human body." For an example, the professor
pulled back the sheet,
stuck his
finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his
mouth.."Go
ahead
and do the same thing," he told his students. The students
freaked out,
hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a
finger in the butt of
the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the
professor
looked at them
and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I
stuck in my
middle finger and
sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay
attention."
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Who's Your Daddy?
A seminary professor was
vacationing with his wife in Gatlinburg, TN. One
morning, they were
eating
breakfast at little
restaurant, hoping to enjoy a quiet, family meal.
While they were
waiting for their food, they
noticed
a distinguished looking, white-haired man
moving from table to
table, visiting with the guests.
The professor leaned
over and whispered to his wife,
"I hope he
doesn't come over here." But
sure enough, the man did
come over to their table.
"Where are you
folks from?" he asked in a
friendly voice. "Oklahoma," they
answered.
"Great to have you here in
Tennessee." the stranger said. "What do you do for a
living?"
"I teach at a seminary," he
replied. "Oh, so you teach preachers how to preach,
do you? Well,
I've got
a really great story
for you." And with that, the gentleman! pulled up a
chair
and sat down at the table with
the
couple. The professor groaned and thought to
himself,
"Great... Just what I need...
another
preacher story!" The man started, "See that
mountain over
there? (pointing out the
restaurant window). Not
far from the base of that
mountain, there was a
boy born to an unwed mother. He
had a hard time growing up, because
every place he
went, he
was always asked the same
question, 'Hey boy, Who's your daddy?'
"Whether he was at school, in
the grocery store or drug store, people would ask the
same
question, 'Who's your daddy?'
He
would hide at recess and lunch time from other
students. He
would avoid going in to stores
because that question
hurt him so bad. "When he was
about 12
years old, a new preacher came
to his church. He would always
go in late and
slip out early to avoid hearing
the question, 'Who's your daddy?'. But one day, the
new preacher
said
the benediction so fast he
got caught and had to walk out with the crowd.
"Just about the time he got to
the back
door, the new preacher, not knowing anything
about him,
put his hand on his shoulder and
asked him, 'Son, who's
your daddy?' "The whole church
got
deathly quiet. He could feel
every eye in the church looking at him. Now everyone
would
finally know the answer to
the question, 'Who's your daddy'. This new preacher,
though,
sensed the situation around
him
and using discernment that only the Holy Spirit could
give, said
the following to that scared
little boy...
"'Wait a minute' he said. 'I know who
you are. I see the
family resemblance now. You are
a child of God.' With that
he patted the boy on his
shoulder and
said, 'Boy, you've got a great
inheritance. Go and claim it.' The
boy smiled for
the first time in a
long time and walked out the
door a changed person. He was never the same again.!
Whenever
anybody
asked him, 'Who's your
Daddy?' he'd just tell them, 'I'm a Child of God'."
The distinguished gentleman got
up from the table and said, "Isn't that a great
story?" The
professor responded that
it
really was a great story. As the man turned to leave,
he said, "You
know, if that new preacher
hadn't
told me that I was one of God's children, I
probably never would
have amounted to anything!" And
he walked away.
The seminary professor and his
wife were stunned. He called the waitress over and
asked her,
"Do you know who that man was
who just left that was sitting at our table? The
waitress grinned
and said, "Of course.
Everybody
here knows him. That's Ben Hooper. He's the former
governor of
Tennessee!"
Someone
in your life today needs
a reminder that they're one of God's children!
"No
one can make you feel
inferior without your permission."
--Eleanor Roosevelt
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Angels are supernatural apparitions,
raised by the special and extraordinary
operation of God, thereby to make his
presence and commandments known
to mankind, and chiefly to his own people.
- Thomas Hobbes,
"Leviathan"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person
is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.
- Dennis Wholey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them
you can get through, but how many can get through to you.
- Mortimer J. Adler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sorrow shared is half a sorrow,
a joy shared is twice a joy.
- Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We either make ourselves happy
or miserable. The amount of
work is the same.
- Carlos Castaneda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No one grows old by living, only by losing interest in living.
-
Marie Beynon Ray
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